


The Onset of Sanity

by SoloButNotHan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Azkaban, Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:24:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6364786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloButNotHan/pseuds/SoloButNotHan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius receives a visit from Remus about six months into his Azkaban stay. It doesn't go very well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Onset of Sanity

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this piece several years ago, but only now remembered it. I only made a few subtle changes, nothing piece-altering, so it probably more resembles my writing style at age 15 than now. I do hope you'll still enjoy it though (or as much as you can through the angst).

Sirius Black sat in his cell, huddled against the back wall. His eyes were closed, and he was thinking over what had happened these past few months. He had convinced James-he shuddered at the thought of his brother’s name; it was still so painful- against using him as a Secret Keeper, because he would be too obvious. Peter Pettigrew would be better; no one would ever suspect Peter, he had told himself. This was the worst decision he had ever made. Because of him, him and his big ideas, Prongs was dead. Prongs, the one who, as a boy, had taken him in and believed in him when no one else would. Prongs, who had given everything to help protect him from his family. Prongs, the man with the largest heart in the world. Gone.   
A shadow passed over him, and he looked up. There stood Remus Lupin. His best friend. His former fiancé. The love of his life. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard the werewolf approach.  
“Remus-” He breathed hoarsely.  
“No. Don’t speak to me, you traitor. You dirty, less than nothing lowlife. He trusted you, and you killed him. How could you? Your best friend. Your brother.” Remus spat. Sirius stared at him disbelievingly. He had thought Remus, of all people, would understand. Would at least listen. But no, it was not to be.  
“Remus, listen to me. It was Peter.”  
“Peter who you killed? Peter who you murdered in cold blood?”  
“Peter isn’t dead. He’s the traitor.”  
“And why do you say that? Why do you expect me to believe you when you try to weasel out of this by blaming a dead man? A man dead by your own hand?”  
“I didn’t kill him! I can explain. Just give me one sentence.”  
“Go ahead. One sentence and one sentence only.”  
“I convinced James to switch the Secret Keeper to Peter at the last second because I would be too obvious.”  
“Why wouldn’t James have told me of the switch? And if Peter’s alive, where is he? No. You’ve proved you’re just as black as your family. You’re just like your filthy relatives. The man I loved does not exist. Goodbye, Black.” He growled.  
“I thought I knew you…” He mumbled as he walked away.  
As soon as his love was out of earshot, Sirius let out an unearthly scream. He just couldn’t bear it. He had thought Moony would listen to him, would believe him. Instead, he had let his grief take over. Now Sirius let himself wallow in his own grief, screaming and crying until others would think him insane. What they did not understand was that he was grieving a friend and brother, not mourning his arrest. They don’t understand, and they will never understand. Because words could not begin to describe the complete and utter agony he was feeling. He felt as though his heart were ripped in half, glued together, ripped in half again, and then torn to shreds. His only family had been murdered, and it was his fault. He had convinced them to use the lying traitor as a Secret Keeper, when he himself had been their top choice. He had been a fool, and his loved ones had paid for it. And then, when he went to do his friends justice, the traitor had framed him, gotten him thrown in jail. Even his beloved Remus didn’t believe him. And now, baby Harry was still out there with no one to care for him. If only Hagrid had let him take Harry! Then everything would have worked out perfectly. Harry wouldn’t be off to live with those horrid muggles, and he wouldn’t have gone off to hunt the worthless rat. The rat. It was Pettigrew’s fault, not his. Pettigrew had backed down to the bully and turned the Potters over, not him. He would not believe himself to be guilty. He smiled satisfactorily, and sat back to endure the rest of his life.


End file.
